Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Movie Review Chanbara Beauty: The Movie - Vortex

As some may already know I recently subscribed to Netflix and have been binge watching anything with the word zombie in the title or description. 90% of the time that has led me to watch some good to decent to that wasn't that bad zombie flicks. 10% of the time it has led me to shit like Chanbara Beauty: The Movie - Vortex

The movie is in Japanese featuring English subtitles which is not the problem. To say that this movie is bad is being kind. This is the type of movie that makes Syfy movies look like cinematic masterpieces.

The movies synopsis is pretty simple:

In a post apocalyptic future when zombies dominate the Earth, Aya (Tejima Yuu) and Saki (Akari Ozawa) are two young women from the almost extinct Imichi clan. They travel Japan killing as many of the undead as they possibly can but it seems like there is no end in sight for their fight and they seemed destined to fight forever. A woman called Misery (Kumi Imura) enlists their aid to destroy Himiko, the mistress of the undead. The two agrees to aid Misery but instead find themselves in conflict with a group of human survivors being led by Aya's old friend Reiko (Rika Kawamura) and a young man called Ryo (Youhei Hoshina) who are protecting a child named Kei. Tricked and seduced by Himiko, Saki sides with the zombie queen on the condition that her parents be resurrected. Now, Aya must fight alone and try to save her sister...but what are the secrets of the Imichi bloodline and its relationship to Ryo's bloodline?

The guy or gal that wrote that synopsis could have saved a lot of time and wrote:

A movie featuring scantily clad women fighting zombies with bad anime special effects throughout it's entire 85 minute run.

It's not even the acting that makes this movie so bad it's the special effects and the zombie effects which are awful. The zombies themselves make no sense. At times they are like the slow moving Romero zombies and at others they are quick enough to dodge swords and oncoming strikes.

Unless you are a teenage boy in heat there is absolutely no reason to ever watch this movie. Stay away. Any zombie flick on Syfy is ten times better.

George Cook